Our humble little facility is located in Toronto’s Queen West area. For those not familiar with the city, Queen West is a relatively trendy downtown area. Regentrification has wound its way down from the financial district toward the West End. The result is that we’re beset on one end by some of the city’s very drunkest disorderlies and on the other by hipsters with skinny moustaches and skinnier legs. I’m going to take a moment to talk about the latter.
We have a sign on our front door that showcases our promise to “beat the candy-assed hipster out of you.” We say this in jest because hipsters don’t work out. Sure, they may engage in high-jinx like smoking unfiltered cigarettes on a vintage treadmill or team-drinking in 1980s football jerseys. However, anything that requires sweating and sincere effort is taboo in their tribe.
Nevertheless, I make this appeal:
Now the winter weather is behind us, please take off your scarves and learn to squat. Soon you will showcase your tinder stick-like legs in too-tight denim or whatever anti-fashion short pants are in season. This is no good.
A lack of strength is not a badge of honour. Nobody is asking you to bend steel rods or compete in powerlifting events. However, all of humanity can benefit from an effort to get stronger and be more capable. No one is above it and the process imbues us with an often-missing humility. This is a virtuous endeavour. And If it results in me not having to stare at your skinny legs, well . . . even better.
In the meantime, here‘s how we like to begin the squatting process for anyone with adequate mobility:
The Goblet-Box-P ause Squat
1. These are actually three different squatting techniques that we combine to get people squatting beautifully. Although I’m generally a fan of “less is more,” this combination of techniques works wonderfully.
2. A goblet squat offers light external loading with the added feature of being able to manipulate your centre of gravity. By pushing the weight away from you, you can ensure proper spinal alignment – especially when you have some trepidation about sitting back.
The box keeps you honest about depth. By sitting right on the edge to start, you will also ensure that you’re adequately hinging from the hip during the eccentric part of the movement. If you’re shooting your knees forward, you’ll miss the box altogether.
It’s also worth noting that you do not sit on the box. We’re not Westside Barbell. A light touch is requisite. If you’re unable to maintain a light touch or sufficient arch we will raise the box until you can. Simple.
3. We will make the external loading as light as necessary to ensure a pause. We may even de-load. The result is a squat that’s light enough to ensure proper alignment at the most difficult part of the movement. Trying to coach those adjustments with a heavy relative load is an exercise in folly.
Happy squatting, hipsters!
GG





104 years old, Joe was still going strong. Disease and decrepitude had no hold over him. It took — and I say with the utmost respect — a speeding minvan to do him in. You had a great run, Joe.
