On Sucking
As a culture, we have pretty much zero respect for the beginner. Everyone wants a black belt. Everyone wants advanced training. Everyone wants to do it just like the pros. The problem with all of this is that most people suck. Not as human beings (well, often as human beings) but in general.
Pick a sport . . . an area of study . . . anything that can possibly be discussed and you’ll find strong opinions from people with absolutely no business sharing them. And they’ll make you feel like less of a person for not being absolutely awesome.
Well, let the haters hate. This article is about why it’s good to be bad at things. This article is about the virtues of sucking.
The greatest journey starts with single, shaky step
Learning a new thing means being a beginner. Beginners are not supposed to be good at things. Beginners are supposed to be slightly ahead of those not doing anything at all. Beginners are supposed to suck.
Unfortunately, people frequently refuse to embrace this. They feel like they’re supposed to walk into a new arena – be it judo, Olympic weightlifting or even just exercising– and automatically be great at it. They want to have arrived before they’ve even begun. This is ego yipping at them like a tiny dog. Please do not let tiny dogs stand in the way of your success.
When you allow yourself to be bad at a new undertaking, a few very good things happen:
- You begin to form a catalogue of serious mistakes – things you remember viscerally. These are the kinds of things that you are far less likely to repeat because they make you cringe when you think about them.
- You become humble. You listen to what other, more experienced people have to say and take it seriously. Your cup is not half-full of excuses or reasons why you’re the exception to the rule. You become teachable.
- You are free. You have the luxury of asking, “What if I do this,” even if this winds up being a terrible idea. This freedom does not typically last forever. When a black belt (or other expert) makes a horrendous mistake, they look foolish. When a beginner makes a horrendous mistake, they merely look like a beginner.
Newsflash: nobody cares
I run a gym that plays host to both performance athletes and the general population. These people often work side-by-side. Our pros don’t look at how much you’re lifting and sneer contemptuously. This is for four reasons:
1) They’re working way too hard at whatever they’re doing
2) All you need to do to earn their respect is to put in time and hard work
3) We don’t put up with anyone acting like assholes (even beginners)
4) If the above qualities are in place, they’re probably rooting for you
There is this myth (perhaps just a fear) out there that people at an advanced level will be jerks to beginners. While I’m sure it’s happened before, I can also tell you that it’s relatively rare. If someone has been a jerk to you, it’s about 10 times more likely that they were at (or below) an intermediate level.
My penultimate piece of advice
If there’s something you want to get good at, start by being bad. Come in, pay attention, be humble and work hard. Don’t be defensive. Don’t be in a hurry to show everyone how great you are (especially at the expense of others). Don’t be painfully self-deprecating either because making it all about you is still ego. Say less than you were planning to.
Follow these rules and anyone who gives you grief will do us all the favor of outing themselves as a terrible human being.
My final piece of advice
If, after reading all this, you still feel like you will be uncomfortable in the role of a beginner, then be a ninja. Come in, find a safe corner to hide in and get it done. But no matter what, get it done. If you allow yourself to be a beginner for a while you may find that you, one day, wake up an expert.
Geoff Girvitz
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great article.
13.12.2011, 3:57 amI have been a black belt for so many years and I don’t remember my time with a white belt, but I was there. Yes, be a black belt (or an expert) in any area, means you have much more responsibilities than a beginner. You suppose to be better to help the other be better than you. If you are an expert, means that you know something very well, but if you are a smart expert, you know what you do know is not enough. There is always room for improvement.
What I find nowadays, with all the easy access to information and lack of judgement or filters, everyone is an expert in everything! Just dive in YouTube or miracle Google and you became a master. Or buy a t-shirt 2 sizes smaller, a ball cap, train for few months and you are a MMA pro fighter or the best BJJ ever made. Seems that, nobody want to be Rafael-san, and realize how good is to have lots of room to grown, make mistakes and don’t fell ashamed and have low expectations. Everyone wants to be mister Myagi.
Our society does not accept “loosers”. Nobody remember the second place. At the school you have to be the popular guy, in the university you have to be the genius, in the capitalism you have to be the richest, at the gym the strongest…
But one day, you are going to understand that there is not second place. There is not the strongest, richest and so on… In this fight there just one opponent: yourself.
The day that you realize it, you starting changing from white belt to a black belt.