Losing weight through diet is not simply a matter of knowing what to eat. If it were, success rates wouldn’t be so abysmal. So who’s to blame? Today, I’m blaming your friends.

One of the complaints I sometimes hear from clients in their 20s is that it’s hard to stay on track when out at clubs. Peer pressure, it appears, continues on after the after-school specials have ended. Teetotaling leads to mockery and mockery, as we know, leads to drinking and/or cheesecake.

With this in mind, I present a simple solution:

Step one: Find a bartender to exchange flirty glances with

Step two: Inform said bartender that you’re not drinking tonight, but don’t want to get hassled by your friends

Step three: Ask the bartender to serve you water, but in a highball glass with all the trimmings

Step four: Leave a great big tip

Step five: Continue to tip for every fresh glass as if it had been an alcoholic drink

Generous tips are important because a) they help keep both the bartender on your side ; and b) you certainly won’t be spending any less if you’re drinking. At least this way you stay on track with a minimum of static

One or two sober nights our with your drunken friends should arm you with enough embarrassing stories to prevent them from ever hassling you again.